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"No, Abhi. It's not about you or your worthiness! It's just a simple thing! You are not that one! You can never be that one! Don't even Try!"
"Try to change?"
"YES! Don't! We could just be the old friends who met at a coffee shop after five years and nothing more. Please don't suffocate me! Again! I can't take another hit! That too from you!"
"Haha! Leave it! How about another Tea?"
"Nah! I'm good! Enough for today! Let's leave?"
He nodded! Finished his tea and walked out. "The Tea Lover" shop was his den! A relaxing creative den. She was walking fast, with a sense of urgency!
"Still mad?" He asked.
"Of course! I am." Why the hell did you bring this topic up? AGAIN?
"Curiosity, hope, or desperation!" He smirked.
She walked towards the car, grabbed the door lever, and waited there, not looking at him.
"Wait. Let's take a walk!"
She waited in the same pose for a minute and started walking ahead, without looking at him. Her body expressed that strong feeling of 'No! I should leave!'. But didn't say a word.
"So how's life going?" He asked.
"Like the way it wants!"
“So, Not in control! Just like old times?” he smiled.
She sighed and increased her pace! She was walking way ahead of him!
“We are not in a marathon right? Just wait, Ashlyn!”
She stopped! “Walking was your idea, not mine!”
“Yes! WALKING!”
She smiled, but her eyes were still angry!
“You know, back in those days too, you walk fast when you are angry! Remember the day at the beach, when you tripped on some policeman and the way he followed us like some culprits!”
She laughed and looked back! He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it!
Her slim eyes bulged out with surprise!
“When?” She asked.
He looked at the smoke. “Cigarettes? Nearly 4-5 years back! Want one?”
Her curiosity turned into anger!
“Why? Because of me? Because I left without saying anything, Because of the NO?”
“Because of you???” He burst out into laughter!
“Not everything in the world happens because of you! Other people too have that thing, called choice! And it changes from time to time!”
“And Why this choice out of, saayy… billion other options?”
“U mean like Dr@gs?” He smiled.
“No! You know what I meant, Right?”
“Yeah, dude! Nah! I just felt I could go with this! Maybe some alone time made me realize I needed this!”
“Bullshit! You Don’t” Her Face, especially her chubby cheeks was turning Red!
“You are the one who always advises others not to do this. Right? And now you started?”
“Users know its defects better than others! So now I can give strong, valid, relevant speeches!”
“For, f**k sake, Don't Smoke in front of me! Throw that shit away! Now! RIGHT NOW!!!”
He couldn’t look into her eyes. He just looked down. Grabbed the cigarette from his lips. Looked at it again and took one more puff!
She was frustrated, but then he threw it away!
“So, now what? A class on ‘how cigarette smoking is injurious to health!’?”
“Will it work?”
“I don’t think so!”
“Ha! Thought so!”
“So come, let’s walk!” He said without looking at her.
“Remember Riya? I met her last day, at the movies!”
“Which one?”
“Riya?” She was surprised! “How the hell did you forget her”
“No! Not Riya, the movie! Which movie was it?” He couldn’t hide his smile!
“Oh! That’s what’s important?”
“Alright!” He sighed. “What about Riya? She's okay with her new boyfriend and job, right? Anything new?”
“Oh, So you know! NOT SURPRISED!”
“Yep, always up to date on people! So how’s your new startup idea going? “The Learn Wizard”??”
“Ah! You know! “The Learn Wizard” is still in the initial phase! Dude, I have been waiting to ask you this, it’s been 5 years and you have never even called me or messaged me till now! Why? And you know everything about everyone! But still no contact! Why?”
He walked without uttering a word!
“DUDE!!! No more silence!”
“Shall I ask you the same?” His voice went down!
“But it’s me who called, finally! Not you!”
“Oh right! So that gave you the right?” He smirked!
“YES! It does!”
He sighed. “I lost my purpose!!! That’s it!”
“Purpose? To live?”
“Yes!”
“Ha! So what was there? To lose?” Her anger spoke!
“Nah! Don’t go there! It’s a mess! “Let us live here in the present, like them!” He looked above, at a group of fireflies.
Her frustration was at its peak!
“Philosophy!!! Nonsense! It’s not a Renjith film Abhi! Just be real”
His eyes stopped glowing! It was nearly dead! His face went pale!
“Alright!” He stopped, Checked his pocket, took another cigarette and lit it!
“Oh! Come on dude!”
“After that day you left, I f**king was irritated! Frustrated, not depressed! I had just 2 points of contact, Dad and Him, Pete. They kept me sane! After losing all my chances as a friend, lover, losing the job, and… losing every shit!”
He walked towards a milestone near a Street light post and sat there! His hair started to glow under that lamp.
“After a few weeks, Dad, he died! You knew about his cancer right? Yeah, It took him! Another loss! Still, Pete was there! After a few months, he got that call from his office to leave for Germany!”
Fireflies were circling him, like they adored him!
She looked at him in surprise, she had never seen him in such a state. With her he was always happy, smiling, and full of life!
But now! He took another puff. “Then Pete left, within 3 months! For the first 2 months, he used to call me daily, then gradually it stopped! Another loss. And that’s when I dozed off into my own reality!”
“And that is?”
“I left ‘home’! And started travelling! Met a lot of strangers. And never stayed at a place more than 2 days!”
“Oh but what about the money? You lost your job right?” She was curious.
“Oh, I didn’t say that right!” He smiled! “Two of my books got published and one is a best seller!”
“WHAAT? WHEN? Why was I not aware of it?”
“Cause I wanted that to be like this” He gazed at her face through the smoke!
She crossed her hand, with anger! “How did you? And why did you?”
“How, What, When, Why… HAHA,” He laughed.
“The book announcement event was just two weeks after the day you left! That day, I was there to invite you! But things went upside down!” So…!
“But I have never heard of your name! You said it was a bestseller. Right? But how did I miss?”
“After our argument, I just felt like being an anonymous writer! So came up with a name. A pen name! And replaced my name with it! Removed my pics from the publisher's server. It cost me a lot at that time, but later, Anonymity gave me fame!” He laughed.
“Pen name. huh?”
“PEPAN!”
“WHAAAAT. That’s You? DUUDE!”
“Yep! Me it is!”
“Don’t Mind me asking. But why that name, Pepan?
“You want the artistic reason or the real reason?”
Her right eyebrow raised. “Real!”
“Okay! Real it is! The publisher wanted a name and I was watching TV, saw Peter Pan cartoon, So just shortened it! Peter-Pan, PePan!”
“Dude, That’s it?” She was a bit confused!
“Yp. Nothing more nothing less! Impulsive. But people loved it”
“No, No one loved it! They just love mystery, that's it!”
“Oh! Anyway, It worked!”
“And you got a few awards. Right?”
“Yep! I never went to collect them! My publisher collected it!”
“What the hell! Why?”
“Mystery!!!” He uttered. “Urh” She was frustrated.
“So, That’s how you get the money! Got it! Then?”
“Then…travel…all across India!” While I was in Maharashtra, Palghar district I think, I lost my phone! Lost all the numbers!”
“Still you could have contacted us. Right?!”
“Yep! But losing my phone was my reason. To go incognito! An excuse” He smiled!
“Haa! You and your reasons!” She was still angry!
“My reasons, my rules!” He looked at the sky like he was waiting for someone from there!
“So, on your journey, “around the globe”, have you met anyone special?”
“What do you think?” He replied without even looking at her!
“No?....” There was a minute-long silence.
“Yep. I met someone!”
Her eyes looked surprised, but not her face!
“Oh. Wow!”
“Who was that?”
“Manoranjini!”
“Wah. What a name!” Her voice was a bit shaky!
“I just met her a few days back! What a beauty”
“Whaat??” She was puzzled!
“Yep, She works as a gatekeeper!”
“Eh?...Like… a security?”
“Ha, maybe you can say that!”
“Where?”
“At a place beyond your imagination!”
“Oh! So another story?”
“Story??? She is as real as both of us!”
“Okaay. Okay. Tell me more about her! Your Manoranjini”
“Just call her Mano!”
“Oh! Whatever!” She felt irritated!
He started with a huge sigh. “Oh…I was on my latest trip. And in the middle, there was an unexpected halt, and had to stay at a rest house! It was literally a huge mansion in the midst of a cloudy hill station! She was there near the gate! Mano! Dressed up in a creamy white churidar, with her long brown hair dancing in the wind!”
“Wow. Then?”
“I couldn’t take my eyes off her! She was such a beauty! Long wide eyes, small but sharp lips, always packed with an astonishing smile!”
“Hey! Wait wait. A security guard, in creamy white churidar, with all this makeup. huh?
“Nop! Not Security! But a gatekeeper! Then the scent!!! I felt like I was walking in the midst of a jasmine garden!”
“Perfume!”
“Dude! Why?”
“Oh Sorry, Sorry… then?”
“‘Abhiram?’ She asked me and I was shocked! How the hell did she know my name! I asked her how she knew me?”
“And?”
“She said she just knew! And then she laughed. I couldn't ask her anything more! She then assisted me get in, showed me my room, gave me tea, and left!”
“Tea. Huh?”
“Yp!” He smiled.
“Then?”
“I gazed out of the window and she was always busy at the gate, waiting for new visitors, preparing the welcome treats and all. Her face glowed in the dim warm light at the gate! I just sat there at the window for minutes, maybe hours! Watching her! At some point, our eyes locked and she started walking directly toward my room. I started panicking but didn't show it in my face!”
“Then?” She was filled with curiosity!
“She was there to invite me to dinner!” He smiled.
“Oh. Dinner, huh?”
“Yp, The whole room was lit by the same dim, warm light. Each table had candles too. The room had the same jasmine scent. I couldn’t figure out whether it was the room or her! I was invited to the room by some old Ilaiyaraja songs! The serving table was filled with too many items. Buffet. I was all alone in that cozy restaurant. Then she came in. I asked whether she would join me for dinner and she said yes. It was an unofficial Candle light date!”
“Oh. nice..!” Her voice went down.
“We didn't say anything. She ate in silence and I stared at her magnetic eyes! Within 10 minutes she left. I just felt that this might be the only face I might see for too long! And I couldn’t sleep that night. Thinking of her! Mano”
“Mano. So where is she now?” Her voice interrupted his thoughts!
“At the same place where I met her and left her. Might be waiting for some new guests!” He turned around facing the dark night scenery.
“So you were just one of her guests, What’s so special about it? You met her, “looked at her”, and left! What’s there to be fascinated about!”
“Who said I just left?” He turned back with a smile!
“Then?”
“I was there for a week”! And then I knew there was no coming back. From the place, from her!”
“Yet you are standing here. On this roadside, with ME” She sneered.
“I just came back to see you!” He winked!
“Oh! And why is that?”
“You will know soon!” His smile was mysterious!
“Okay! Then what happened to your Mano?”
“That week was fun. We ate together, walked together, talked a lot, laughed a lot!”
“Slept together?” She looked at him curiously and her eyebrows were touching her hairline!
“Just missed it!”
“Thought So!” Her reply was fast and loud!
“So you walked, talked, and had food! Right? So Divine!!!”
“And we had tea together. A lot!” He was smiling and looked at the sky! It was still moody.
“Ha Tea! Great! So, now you might know everything about her right?”
“Ha! For a change, I was the one who did all the talks. Not her!”
“Oh Sure! That is a CHANGE! So in simple words, you still don’t know anything about her except her name and job?”
“Yp! Isn’t it beautiful?”
“No!” Her reply was too quick!
“Well then for me, it is!”
“Desperation makes you mad?”
“Maybe!”
“So When are you going back? to “YOUR” Mano”?
“As soon as possible. I said I will be back soon. That’s why she let me go!” He moved forward and grabbed a pale blue flower from some roadside plant and threw it towards her!
She caught the flower, looked at it, and said, “Let you go? Seriously? Isn't it too much?”
“Nothing feels too much when you are wanted!” He again looked at the sky! He hummed an old Tamil song “En iniya pon nilave…” (tansl. My sweet golden moon) the sky was still cloudy and moody. “Where is the moon today?
“Who knows!!!” She was still looking at that flower and tied it to a small thread in her purse!!
“Does he ever feel lonely?”
“Who?”
“The moon?”
“Maybe…not! I don’t think so! He is always wanted by millions. Dreamers and Lovers!”
“But what about the one he craves for? His long lost love? Maybe a long-distance lady love? Who is far more away from him, Out of sight and out of reach! What if she is stuck in some place, without a chance to return? He might feel miserable, right?”
“Maybe.” She was not at all interested in those talks!
But he continued “Maybe, he might be visiting her on these cloudy days! His little secret” He smiled like he discovered some mystical secret.
“So, when are you going back?”
“Tonight!”
“Tonight…? Oh! Can’t survive without ‘Mano’?”
“Haha! It’s not that! I gave her my word! That I will be back! I can’t break a vow! You know that, na?”
“Oh! Okay okay! It’s all up to you! So when can I meet her?”
“Let the time come! One day I will introduce her to you!” “Hope it may not happen soon!” he whispered.
“Eh?”
“Nothing!” He looked at his watch and turned back. “Come! Let’s go back!”
They both walked towards the car!
He was humming some old songs and was not at all audible to her!
“Maybe you could sing a little bit louder?”
“Eey! I was just…” He stopped!
“Oh! Okhaay! So When is your next book coming?”
“Next one? No idea! Who can predict the future?”
“Yeah! That’s true! But still any plans!”
“Nop! Nothing for now!”
“Okay! Don’t tell me if you are not comfortable!”
He just smiled!
He was walking a bit faster than her and was a bit moody!
“Thinking of her?” She asked while grabbing the car handle.
“Kind of!” He got into the car! “Come! Let’s move!”
“Sure!”
She got in! The blue light from a nearby shop reflected from her glasses and fell into his face!
He looked at her like it was the first time he saw her!
“Hope we had more time…!”
“It’s not the end of the world. Right? We can meet soon!”
“Ha. Right!” He suddenly tried to lose his eye contact and looked forward!
“Like once you said, If two souls are meant to be together, it will be! If two souls are meant to meet, they will! So we will meet! Soon”
“Maybe not!”
“Eh?” She was surprised to hear that!
“I am now a soulless being! Cause I left my soul at the gate!” He smiled and started the car!
“Yeah right! I somewhat felt that today” she said while looking out.
It was a long drive and they didn't speak much!
He turned on the radio, and some old songs were playing. They both hummed for them!
Within a few minutes, she fell asleep! A shocking sudden break woke her up!
“Here we are!” He said, looking at her home.
“Oh. So fast!” She opened the door and walked out of the car!
“Wait, I will open the gate!”
“Nop! Maybe next time!” Then he too got out of the car!
“Sure? Not coming in?”
“Yp. Next time!”
She walked towards the gate and tried to open the rusty old lock!
“Ashlyn!”
She looked back puzzled! “What”
He looked down and asked!
“What if….What if we never meet again? Will you miss me? His curiosity spoke up!
“No!”
Really? He looked surprised.
“What do you think?”
“hmmm…I’m curious to hear it from you!”
“Oh is it? Then what about you? Will you miss me?”
He laughed! “Like once I said, I will come back from my grave to meet you!”
“I might not!” She said in a low voice.
He smiled like he already knew the answer!
“See you then!” He turned and walked towards the car!
She didn’t say anything. Just stood there, watching him walk away from her, step by step!
She stayed near the gate and leaned against the wall.
He was again humming the same song! But this time she could hear it!
“Uravugal thodarkathai unarvugal sirukathai,
Oru kadhai endrum mudiyalaam Mudivilum ondru thodaralaam…
Ini ellaam sugame....Ini ellaam sugame....”
(tansl. Relationships are like a long story, but emotions we feel are short stories,
These stories can end at any time, another one can start at that end
From now on, there will be happiness…)
He got in the car and didn't look back! Rolled down the glasses and showed his hand and waved!
The car gradually started moving and still, he didn’t look back! But she could see his face through the mirrors! He was smiling, but his eyes were glowing with tears! His lips were still mumbling those lines “Ini ellaam sugame....”
She just waited there, till those two red shades disappeared into the horizon!
She stood there for a minute!
A haunting silence embraced her!
Suddenly her phone rang! Breaking the silence!
She took the phone from her pocket!
It was an unknown foreign number! Turecaller showed ‘Peter’!
“Pete? Why now” She felt a bit puzzled!
“Hey Pete! Where are you now! Germany?”
“Oh, so you had my number?”
“Nop! Truecaller!”
“Ha! I’m here! Home! Reached today eve. You?”
“Me too! At home! It’s been too long, right?”
“Yp 4 years!”
“We just talked about you today! So why this special visit? Anything… particular?”
“Umm…so… You didn’t know?”
“Know what?”
“Nothing???” His sound felt confused.
“Nop, Nothing!!”
“Oh! It’s about Abhi!”
“Okay! What about him?” She was curious!
“He…”
“He didn’t say anything special when we spoke!”
“When you spoke??? WHEN?”
“Hmm…10 minutes before! He was here!”
“Whaat???” Pete was screaming!
“What? What happened? Is something wrong?”
“Ash! He passed away last week!”
“Eh?” Her eyes widened! “STOP JOKING PETER! It isn’t funny!”
“I’m not! That is why I’m here now! He met with an accident on the 19th and was hospitalized! But on 21st… He left us!” His voice was cracking!
She couldn't speak a word! She stood there like a stone!
“I think someone pranked you, ash!”
“But…But he was here, We were together for the whole eve! How is that even possible?” She started to panic. Her heartbeat rose!
“I… I really don’t know Ash! You are making me scared!”
She still couldn’t comprehend the news!
“But we met…” She was saying it again and again!
“What did he say?” Peter felt curious!
“A lot! He met someone and a place…! Oh shit! Pete, He said he met someone, a gatekeeper, named Manoranjini at a heavenly place! A HEAVENLY PLACE!!! What if he came to me from up there? for real?”
“Are you crazy?” Pete sounded angry!
Ashlyn was rethinking about the whole evening!
“Like once I said, I will come back from my grave to meet you!” Oh, he said that too!
“Pete, I will call you later!”
“No, wait I will come to your place now!”
“No we will meet tomorrow at Abhi’s”
“But, Ash, You might need…”
She hung up the phone! And went back to the gate! Looked around! No one was there!
Then she realized there were no tyre marks there!
“So was it all just a dream?” She was totally confused!
She checked her phone and realized that she had forgotten to click any pics!
“There is no proof!”
Suddenly her eyes sparked! She grabbed her purse and looked at it! Yes, that pale blue flower! “It is here! So he was here! SO WE MET!”
“So we met for one last time?” Two pearls rolled down her cheeks!
“I will be waiting here, for you, Abhi! At this gate! As a Gatekeeper!!!”
She leaned towards the gate and looked up!
The sky was clear! Moon smiled at her!
She smiled back! And spelled the words of the song! “Oru kadhai endrum mudiyalaam Mudivilum ondru thodaralaam!”
The pale blue flower was still hugging her hands!
She was embraced by a gentle breeze! The whole place was filled with a jasmine smell! She felt his presence!
“Just live happy, wherever you are! Just live HAPPY!” She turned back and walked towards her home! Alone!
~Jaykoo
Touching ❤️
മറുപടിഇല്ലാതാക്കൂDeeply touched ✨
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